Defense of Gerrymandering and Gerrymanderers

Fair Districts for Fair Elections? Not in My Backyard!
         
By a Concerned Citizen from Cleveland


It is a beautiful Saturday afternoon along the lake in Congressional District 4, so I have decided to take a walk through my neighborhood to make the most of the day. 
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​​I make it to the end of the block, and look across the road, only to have my entire day ruined. Just across one of the major roads within my small town is District 9.

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I could vomit. Savages if I have ever seen them. How is it possible that our little suburbia harbors such monsters without at least caging them off first?​

​I see right through them. The snakes along the lake from District 9 masquerade as though they are no different than the others in our town, they send their kids to school with us, and they even have the audacity to shop in the same retail stores.

​Make no mistake, I am all for equality and fair representation, but our representation should be more equal and fair than theirs. 

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It seems that there has been a push for “fair districts” for “fair elections”, and it makes me quiver. Me, share a district with those guys? I do not think so. Not in my backyard.

Rather than sit here and continue to bash those lepers down the lane to show why we don’t need a fair district where I live, allow me to give some insight as to why nobody needs districting reform.

Ohio Congressional Districts are Art! – By an Artist from Akron

When is the last time you peeked at our Congressional districts? I have the district map right in front of me, and it is simply beautiful. What some uncultured swine might now realize, is that this is some incredible abstract art that Picasso himself probably drew before his premature death. Among the many things you might find in this map, you will see a duck, a Rorschach blot, a caterpillar wearing a hat, and some strong emotions you probably weren’t aware you had. 

Art should be preserved, and destroying this will cause Mr. Picasso to roll over in his grave. Have some respect for those passed! 

Representatives Can Stay Far Away –
By a Distance Voter from Defiance

My Congressman lives about 3 hours, or 150 miles away
from my hometown. Do you know what makes this so great?

He is far, far away. Politicians are ALWAYS grimy, and
corrupt individuals, and you need to do everything you can
to avoid them. So, what if my representative has little
to no firsthand knowledge and exposure to life in the north
where I come from?

It’s not like Congress does much and at least when your representative screws up you can wipe your hands clean. They’re basically from Neverland so how can I blame them for their indiscretions.

This is NOT the American Way –  By Sons of the Gerrymanderer

There seems to be a lot of emphasis on fair districts promoting fair elections. Our founding fathers knew better than to promote fair elections! Back when America was great, do you know who could vote? Men, specifically men who owned property.

All this talk of “the founding fathers believed in equality” is fake news. We didn’t have problems before women were voting, or minorities, or poor people (GAG!). It was simpler times when this country was founded, and the further we stray from the way things should be, the further we stray from God’s light.

Somebody’s Feelings Might Get Hurt – By a Nice Neighbor from Napoleon

I care about people, I really do. One major concern I have is that somebody might have their feelings hurt if we make the districts fair.

Many of Ohio’s districts are considered “safe districts” which effectively means that you know who is going to win beforehand based on the way the districts are divided down party lines. Knowing who is going to win beforehand saves our elected officials the pain and embarrassment they may face if there is a close election and they lose.

With the typical 70-30 splits we see now, it is an easier pill to swallow when you lose. It just wasn’t your election to take. However, if these elections get too close and too competitive, candidates may start feeling like they could have done more, or spent more time reaching out to voters, and that is what cost them the election.

Furthermore, the winner is going to be stressed from having to work to get the vote! The incumbents don’t work when they are down in Washington, who are we to tell them they must work when they get home to relax during their four days off a week (and frequent vacations)? This is nonsense. It is an indirect form of bullying if you ask me.

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A final note from the editor and concerned citizen: 

Any rational individual who has read this will understand and agree that attempting to reform congressional districting is just wrong. Rather than fighting Gerrymandering, we must unite and fight against the “Gerryslandering”, and against the remarkable work that has been done by our current rulers-- I mean-- elected officials.